Fibromyalgia Musings

I just keep missing everything

I wish I’d miss the pain

If I could throw the torment – all

Through my window pane

Toss it to the lions that

Around my soul do trod

I wish I could take the barrels full

And hand them straight to God.

The big cats snarl, they lick their lips

They watch my every step

They see, they wait, they’re ready

For the end when I have crept

Far down past the last wall

Way down past the dock

Where the water laps, unending

“Listen to the clock, tick tock!”

The felines know what time it is

They’ve stocked the barrels full

And now they’re overflowing

And my muscles feel the pull

The fire’s lit, the cats are keen

I’m going to be the feast

And as I creep down one last stair

I glean man is the beast.

                                             Copyright © Colleen Weber

Ground Swell

pebbles lined up in disarray
my eyes trained on the sand
exquisite in tiny marble grains
shining in the sun beneath bluest sky
I have lain long enough soaking in oil
my skin a bronze sheen now
my throat parched

I reach for a cool bottle of water
from our artesian well, clean, pure
I walk along the lapping shore letting
the naughty waves slap my ankles
I tread deeper into the white caps
tiny frothy curtsies every moment
they make me laugh

on the horizon is the outline of a ship
staid, grey, a small sliver of craft from here
but immense and strong, robust, a presence
when you get to see it some day later on
proudly taking space in the harbour
a giant of activity and industry, tall
high above my head as my gaze lifts

way down the beach I lean into the natural seat
of a huge driftwood log, encased in weathered hue
greyness shrouding its sturdy form, a comfort
I take my book from my beach bag and relax
beneath my sandy feet I feel the pulse of the lake
breathing itself into my soul and I smile
the ground swell of energy is a palpable thing

long hours later I watch enchanted as the red sun sets
crimson this time, fiery tendrils reaching outwards
stretching to fine lines of scarlet and wine, vermilion
my skin takes on a rosy glow in the intense last light
fading as the sky blue changes to navy in subtle layers
blackness creeping into the night air, sweetened with dew
I amble to my car, another beach day tucked away
for sustenance throughout the winter nights to come

Grama's Happy Prayer

I try to make my laughing prayers

Run right up the sky

Each day I pray for my wee ones

Pray God don’t let them cry

Watch each precious step they take

Be there if they fall

Send angels all about their heads

Watch over one and all

Oh Lord, they are so special

This brown-eyed bunch I love

Send angels every day to them

And watch them from above

Guide each little step they take

Keep their priceless minds

Hold each dear heart close to you

Help them to be kind

Comfort us who guide them

And help us do what’s right

Bring your angels daily near

And keep watch o’er the night

  

Amen

cailin raine

The Courtesy Counter

I am at the courtesy counter

They said I should come here

I need a refund you see, (for the life I’ve lived so far)

Isn’t what it was supposed to be.

I’m in the loser line up

Waiting for the money back guarantee

They told me to keep my ticket

And I got number thirty-three.

I’m hoping they take my receipt

For it is old and worn and torn

And I hope they see my cheerful smile

Not the war-torn tear forlorn.

I’ve waited for the bonus part

That never did show up

And now I want the lay away plan

For my time is almost up.

cailin raine

The Veil

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:
The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting,
And cometh from afar:
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God, who is our home:
Heaven lies about us in our infancy!

William Wordsworth

With our coming is a veil stretched behind 

To enable us to live without His total mind

Left only is a part to sustain us while apart

We are hidden so that we may find

Again our Origin, but meanwhile mankind

Must struggle and endure, learn what we have come for

Our mission predisposed to the earth's cosmos

Left suspended in limbo as we journey and wonder

Oh, but for a glimpse of Heaven's glory

And to bask in His soothing arms and hold our soulmates near

They that are gone on ahead

And they that are waiting to come

We miss them so...as to be not able to endure

If it were not for the veil which one day will be lifted

And death shall separate us no longer for He has promised

That the last enemy that shall be destroyed is death

And death will have no sting or sorrow left

We will all tumble divine in His clouds of love

Knowing that death was only a mask

For the life that lies beyond.

cailin raine

Glimmer

It caught my eye

That shimmer-gleam between the rocks

Bending ice

That gave beneath my feet

An accommodation unexpected.

What a gift!

Shining a secret my way

Water that pooled in the hollows

Then froze and rendered a footing

A floor to help me find my way.

I continued on my rocky, crooked path

And thought of how much it seemed

Like life itself

Twisting, smoothing, pliant, giving

A turn here and there.

Then around the next corner

Sheer surprize!!

The cliff dropped from this dizzying height

Where now?  Oh God, this was not my plan

But then I see the marbled way down.

Natural steps embedded in the cliff

Not always regular, but adequate

My boots gripped the pillars’ strength

I descended, apprehensive at first

Then gaining confidence.

At the bottom I turned my face upwards

To look at the sheer enormity of my descent

I marvelled at the feat that I had accomplished

It started with glimmer-magic on my pathway

And ended here by the soft waters lapping at my feet.

I gazed across the dappled lake, trembling in pewter

Towards the rusty sun creeping down

A gull dipped low to call out its mourning

There would be another kind of morning

A new dawn would reveal more magic.

Then?  I would be ready with my boots

Ready to tramp, or hike, or holler

Whatever that new life would ask of me…

What new adventure!
What new path? ...

Might glimmer and catch my eye.

cailin raine

To My Love

Were you glad when I asked you to dance?

Did you smile when you held me that time?

Did you think we’d ever kiss?

Now I’m in your arms tonight…

I think I’ll be there forever

Yes I think we’ll be just fine

You are now my man forever

You just take my breath away!

Were you glad to see my smile?

When we danced slowly ‘cross the floor

Did you think we’d fall in love?

I hope we dance forever more!

For you are my hero baby

And I think we’ll be just fine

I want your arms forever

You just take my breath away!

When we’re alone and you touch me

I know heaven’s gate is open wide

And when we love you move in me

And my soul keeps perfect time!

You’re my every waking moment

You’re the one I waited for

You can trust my love forever

You just take my breath away!

Just promise me we’ll always dance

And you’ll put your hand in mine

We’ll walk together towards that gate

The journey then like mellow wine!

Still you’ll be my hero baby

And the years will give us more

Than we ever hoped to cherish

You just take my breath away

You just take my breath away

Anytime!

cailin raine

Pines Burning

Sweltering pines blister

Dead heaps lie with pungent aroma drifting towards oblivion

The sky mother taking in the fragrance

And I, as I pass by

Scale the scene with emotions

The pines burn and offer their last gift

Bouquets of scent offered as a last lingering farewell

Before ashes are all that is left.

Recently the landscape contained the healthy vigour of

Towering pines

Gently bending and bowing slightly in the breeze

Tops held high with pride.

But now they are diminished to heaps of

Unsightly rubble

Rapidly dwindling to charred and sad remains.

 In a land where sometimes it is still difficult to be heard

I can identify with their lament

Beauty lost to a formidable force

Fire sucking out their soul.

Like women lost in a world of

Unrecognition. 

cailin raine

Focus

Focus

 Traffic outside roars

Mindfulness class in session

Thick drapes muffle sound.

cailin raine

haikus 2-2-5-7-5

Dreamworks

Bubble

Magic

Clings to branch and vine

Creates a world that is mine

I live inside it.

Haunted

The past

Sits hard

Tugs at my heartbeat

Shredding my thoughts into bits

Keeps me from my life.

Forest

My soul

Housed in

The shelter of limbs

Where shy deer and rabbits roam

Soft place I call home.

cailin raine