Prayer At Seventeen

Give me the stars that echo silent thoughts of hope

Dreams and wishes never ceasing

Give me the moon that I may wish my dreams come true

With life and love increasing

Give me the sunset hues of pink and yellow splendor

And I shall find the sun

Give me the fleeting wishes, heartfelt sighs of sorrow

Until we two are one

Give me the flickering light that fades but never dies

So I can know his ways

For I have sought to make our two souls meet

Until then I will count the days

Give me secrets whispering  in dark shadows 'neath the trees

And I will bend on humble knees

To pray for summer nights of love and softness new

Until this life escapes from view

Give me the roaring ocean tide that creeps and falls

But struggles on, never lost

I like a flickering candle, weak and failing

In love's strength never tossed

Give me happiness and sorrow as the striving world goes on

Smiles and tears, fortune and strife

Give me his hand to hold, his love to share

And I'll give you my life

cailin raine

John R. Cash ~ Man In Black

This is one of my favourite pieces of all time, written by John R. Cash.  I read Johnny's poetry in his book, "Man In Black" back around 1987.   In that book I found profound wisdom from a man who had suffered more than most.  At the time his depth surprised me, for I had only thought of him as a country singer.  Now at a later age and stage of life, I understand the wisdom that comes from peeling back layers of life, and taking a good look at oneself.  My beliefs have deepened from the rather black and white Christian faith with rules set out for you, to an open-minded, soul deep trust in our Source, Gaia, the loving energy that created all.... and a powerful and convicted belief in reincarnation.  As I read this book, I became more and more convinced that Johnny had lived before as the Apostle Paul.  I still believe this, all these years later.  There was way too much that he could never have seen or understood, if he had not walked in Paul's footsteps.

I make no apologies in referring to his wonderful Indian heritage, born from the Cherokee tribe.  I see and hear the word "Indian" with all the respect and admiration that it entails.  I see utterly no reason to have ever changed this beautiful word and I do not adhere to the modern trend which avoids it.  It makes no sense.
In reading this book, I remembered the ethereal depths of the Indian soul, and I relished in John's every word.  I carry this piece of poetry memorized in my heart.

I've been to Damascus and I didn't go by air
I walked along the paved Roman way
I stood at the very spot where a brilliant light once shone
And I saw a fleeting flicker there that day.

But it needn't be Damascus, and it needn't be on a road
And it needn't be a lofty mountain height
It could be in a closet and it could be at the door
That, if opened glows the glorious, blinding Light.

"How well I have learned that there is no fence to sit on between heaven and hell.  There is a deep, wide gulf, a chasm, and in that chasm is no place for any man."

John R. Cash

   from the book, "Man In Black" 

published 1975 by Zondervan

The Butterfly

You smothered me with your mother love
From the beginning ~ if there was a beginning
I was encased and kept in your cocoon
A butterfly not allowed to be free.

The bitterness grew into hatred
Which bred guilt and I tried all the harder to please
Although I could not move ~ inside the cocoon.

Then I chose to love myself
And the cocoon had to be ripped and thrown away.
You would have preferred the cocoon stay intact
To breed the guilt
But I chose life and freedom ~ after all
Butterflies should be free.

Now ~ the butterfly soars with glee
And marvels at the use of her wings!
Which were always there, just never spread
For all the world to see the beauty that shimmered there.
She looks down with pity at the one who tried to keep her
Captive
And knows she has been set free to love.

cailin raine

Distance

Distance sat in the room like an entity

She had disguised herself as belonging

Pretending to know what she belonged to

Tiny, soft-in-dust rays slid through the high window

In a feathery , soothing mockery of her trying

Trying yet again to feel like she fit in.

Ineptness sat heavily like sodden oatmeal

Clinging to the sides of her, filling her middle

Making it doughy like fresh bread, but there was

A hard, impermeable crust perched on the outer edge.

She had worn this shell in turtle-like fashion for so long

It seemed like she had been born with a covering

Perhaps had been a changeling after all, this substitute

Which sat in typical appearance was really a faery child

Trying to be normal, trying hard to span the distance

Between herself and the others who all spoke with a sameness

A casualness, a “rightness” which she had never been able to mimic.

She sat wondering what it was that made the difference

What had created the forever distance, the detachment…

Inside were pools of warm and bubbling waters, love-drenched

Inside there was a joy-spring of caring and wanting to share

Inside welled the urge to merge and trust and be a part

But humanity loomed like a stranger in the distance.

Maybe it was just too late, too hard to take that step and creep up the stairway

Her heart pounded as she stood on faery toes to look out the upper pane

The paths wound gently from this stone room, down, down towards a pretty river

It flowed into the distance in a dancing, merry gesture that beckoned!

Her heart beat fast, her feet felt slippery, her breath came in tiny gusts

She steadied herself and then she took the stairs... one at a time.

cailin raine

Summer Storm

Summer storm close to my heart

Rain pounding down like the blood in my veins

Force of life-shared abundance

Soul-water, thunder rumbling

What a powerful sound!

Akin to my mind and speaking in my ears

I am loving the closeness, reaching to touch the sky

In innermost thought I am lost and yet

Connected to God

He rules the heavens which open and give forth

The summer storm.

Raindrops pound-washing the picnic table

Dance-clogging on my deck

Ecstatic shout-stepping high

Bounce-kicking for joy and keeping time

Participating to the utmost to do their part

In the cosmic depth

Happy to partake of

The summer storm.

I rest quietly and watch content

Behind my pink, cotton-curtained window

Overhead the graying, thick-dense sky

Idles above my slate-blue roof of wooden-comfort

I am warm-dry inside for now

Bathed in soft-watching smile and my

Blissful awareness of His gift

The summer storm.

Fibromyalgia Song

He throws himself

On unsuspecting things,

And launches himself, 

An unwanted lifelong friend. 

Uninvited,

He endeavours to fill, 

My every waking moment. 

Why does he persist, 

With such torment?

His never-ending dribble, 

Disrupts my peaceful pattern, 

And creates a grotesque shadow. 

He laughs,

At my discomfort, my agony,

 And carries on.

No amount of remedy or research,

Can give me back, 

What he has taken. 

     

August Colleen Raine

copyright©Colleen Weber

The Colour Of The Night

What was the colour of the night?
Did it colour the shadow of your soul?
And what was the shade of the shadow?
Oh will we, will we ever know?

I've made love with the hardness of the little man
And I've held more man than most could tell
There were big men, bold men, even old men
Does it mean that my soul will go to hell?

Somewhere in the shadows lies an answer
And the answer is beauty, yes tenfold!
It was heaven in the arms of the little man
But it was heaven tenfold with the old!

They say when we're old there's but one regret
And that is only for the things left undone
It is only the adventure that was left untried
That we weep, for the rest we have won.

So look for the colour of the darkest night!
And laugh within the colour of your soul!
The shadows are the shade of wondrous light!
So dare to find the truth in dark like coal!

Sad is the life that is never lived
And angry is the heart that never loved
Empty are the arms that have never held
Lost is the soul that never roved.

Easy to see the colour of the rainbow
Simple to enjoy the sun's bright rays
But did you see the colour in the darkest night?
Did you explore its depths and know its ways?

What was the colour of the night?
Did it colour the shadow of your soul?
And what was the shade of the shadow?
Oh will we, will we ever know?

cailin raine

The Rabbits Dance

There is a home where rabbits dance at night on soft grass
A magic ritual that honours the full moon and the solstice
And the spirits of the forest smile kindly on their fuzzy kin.

The moonlight bathes the veranda in soft luminescence
Quietly I wait in the shadows of the doorway, hidden by the wooden beams
I stand barefoot, softly waiting...

He is there, sleeping in the big, four-poster bed
Wooden rafters above us protect on the cold, blowing nights
When ice crystals are cast outside across the porch floor.

But tonight it is summer warm
The breeze is gentle, the full moon is crisp
Tiny wisps of cloud sift across the moon goddess face
And my eyes tear at the beauty of this place
As I watch the rabbits dance.

Near dawn he awakens beside me
And runs a loving hand down my back
Pressing the softness of white, cotton lace
And warm flesh against his form
He holds me and knows that I have been awake
And in that mystical place
That we have shared before.

He smiles with the memory; he knows the shifting shadows
The ethereal beauty of this magical display
The rabbits dancing upright to an invisible harp
Music of the night that draws a magic from within
A sweet, unbelievable gift under a strawberry moon.

cailin raine

Life's Golden Harp

Take me where a lonely, sullen tree is shivering in the wind
Its last stray leaves are clinging to the barren branches grim.
Take me where a downy gosling struggles weeping in the snow
Its tender wing is broken and its mother doesn't know.
Take me where a tiny violet is embedded in the frost
Its gentle, purple splendour will be soon forever lost.
Take me where the winds pile summer drifts of silver sand
Erasing all the hearts and names drawn there by lovers' hands.
Take me where the waters wash the limestone and the rocks
The waves are thrashing angrily against the wooden docks.
Take me where the winter snowdrifts sift and slash against the cliffs
Heights where only eagles dare are towering o'er the mist.
Take me where the rapids roar past sticks and stone and shale
They threaten every thread of man, they conquer, never fail.
Take me where a singing meadow lark is perched upon a branch
Watching over prancing ponies that have strayed from yonder ranch.
Take me on Life's pathway where each raindrop is a part
Of this world's love and beauty, for each raindrop has a heart.
For every glimpse of Nature's work, a golden thread I'll bring
And for the smallest orchid flower, Life's golden harp I'll string.

cailin raine

Oh Child, I Have The Answers

Root your thoughts in love, and fear cannot reign
Choose only love again and again
Love is the answer and fear will depart
I have been there for you child, always from the start.

Ask Me anything and the answer will be there
Watch for the sunset or the birds in the air
Listen to the words from your brother drawing near
Oh, child, I have the answers, there is nothing to fear.

I will come to you, if you just invite Me in
I'm there for you in all ways, and I forgive your "sin"
I'll show you the path of Life and the fullness of My joy
Oh child, I'll give you everything, just trust; My ways employ.

I Am reverent, irreverent; I Am up and I Am down
I Am the hot and cold and warm, fisherman, rabbi, clown
It makes no difference to Me child, how you label Me
For I Am river, lake and countryside, land and air and sea.

Nothing is repulsive for I created all
There is nothing I despise, in everything I call
I call to you in sunsets where my glory shines to you
I call from the rainbow, but from the ghetto too.

Oh you see child, you are worthy for I created you!
There is nothing you have ever done that I cannot undo
No "wrong" that you committed has not brought about some good
In the end there is no looking back, no "could or would or should".

Don't waste Energy that formed you with thoughts of guilt and shame
Just trust in the Process and call upon My Name
I am Honour, Truth, and Majesty, I Am the tiny child
I Am strong and fierce, submissive, meek, bold and sweet and mild.

Watch for me in sunshine, and walk along the shore
I hold your hand with love for you, and I will for evermore
Climb the holy mountain side, and call out my Name
I will lead you on the paths of Gold, and take away all pain.

cailin raine

Coffee Jaws

"I'll tell you about "Old Coffee Jaws",

Said the old man to his son.

"Them was the days when there were no laws

That's how the west was won!"

Well there was some laws and the sheriff tried,

But you know ya jest cain't tame

Them strappin' lads that came to drink

The brew that "Coffee Jaws" made!

 "Old Coffee Jaws", well he swore a lot!

And his wife, well she cussed too!

No other folk did pay them mind,

Jest came to buy their brew.

Yep, "Coffee Jaws", he done distilled

One heck of a crop of beer.

The whole town could count on his supply

Heck....any time of year!

"Old Coffee Jaws" would sit and rock

In a chair worn mighty thin.

When  locals came he'd wink one good eye,

And give his toothless grin.

He'd say, "Come here lad, let me look atcha!

Do ya think yer old enough?

To handle this brew that kicks like a mule,

Do ya think that yer that tough?"

  

Well, the young lads laughed and they joked a lot

And they'd leave with their bellies full.

They'd stagger into town to track the lassies down,

And they'd shoot a whole lot of bull.

"Old Coffee Jaws" would spit and wink

And he'd walk that extra mile,

To deliver a keg on one good leg,

Then he'd give his toothless smile.

With jest one leg and jest one eye,

You'll wonder why, "Coffee Jaws?"

But the old man once had lost enough

To make him think and pause.

There was a night when the moon was bright

When "Coffee Jaws" was young,

And he could see, had both good knees,

When his best friend done got hung.

He was hung for a crime that for a time,

They all believed he'd done,

But "Coffee Jaws" knew, it was jest the brew!

As for reason, there was none.

 So "Coffee Jaws", he made a pact

With his dead friend gone to heaven,

That he'd drink no brew even though he grew

The best crop under heaven.

"Coffee Jaws" grew old, drinkin' nothin' cold

No, jest his coffee cup

Graced his old hands for he had plans,

Of joining his pal yonder-up.

So he rocked and he winked and he smiled and he thinked

As he drank that blasted stuff....

His choice that night and his coffee life

Had sure bin gol-darn rough.

In the end they amazed at the way he'd grazed

On only his coffee brew,

And alone at night they'd smell coffee light

As past the sky a lone crow flew.

 cailin raine

November 17th, 2009

Some days the clock ticks faster

Thoughts and deeds and errands and phone calls all pile on top of each other

You end up somewhere later than you would have liked.

The trail stretched enticingly before me laid out in a packed, brown, dirt ribbon

Boots smacked snow, gravel gritted against the leather grain

Afternoon sun gleamed lower and lower in a late sky

Old railroad ties mark a gate beneath my stride, one by one

On and on I hurry-trudge… marking time because it has hurried so

Hardwood leans over me, topping the trail in a canopy of late November green

I span the concessions in no-time, thoughts leaking from jumble to fresh clarity

Night is falling-fast, all around me, and I have turned to backtrack

Loping the path, car waiting low in its bronze and autumn sheen

The quiet lulling me into content, …silent enjoyment that would not last.

Shrill yelps pierced the air like fresh knives, cutting my thoughts to ribbon shreds

Cries in unison, the pack was out for the early evening hunt, bent on kill

Killing spoke itself into their voices, overlapping, layers shrill in the night air

Squeezing into my heart and my breath and sitting at the edge of my soul

Fresh Cape Breton tragedy news reeled in my mind, froze my calmness into panic!

I ran

I ran fast and hard, boots smacking strong now, casting all carefulness into survival

Thoughts operated above my head on another level

The coyotes would be out for their evening meal, trained, bent on winning the prize

Swift and lean and strong determination cut the air in energy strands, electric

I could feel them…

The beat of my boots kept time to their never-wavering cries, they would eat

I just hoped it would not be me.

Suddenly their yelps stopped.  My never-stopping quick steps thudded on, on, on

I fervently prayed and hoped in my heart that their prey had been some poor rabbit

And that they were not quietly stalking me, now, getting closer to my heels…

In a silence stealthy, cunning, but my mind told me they would have gotten their kill

I could not quit until my hand wrenched open my car door and my body sat

Stinging and tired and played out against the welcome softness of the seat

Pain pulsing in me, exertion beyond what my body can work with, reeling, gasping

Then…sighing, the steel ness of the car around me a comfort, cold, protective

The engine purred to life, and the wheels turned around and around

I knew in those first moments, shifting into gear, that I could kill this breed

Back on the road the headlights shone the way through normal traffic.

I was going home.

cailin raine