Chance, Timing and Regret

What measurement of time had cascaded to a tiny dot of coincidence?

Imagine the two of us plucked from the amused cosmic dance

To meet at the same second at the same intersection,

Criss-crossed like the lovers we were.  Just when I think the link

Has been forever severed, I find a pull still there.

I am shocked and yet not astonished…although my inner workings

Shudder…for I find both of us waiting, waiting at the red stop light.

Both of us comically waiting for the green that will melt the pregnant pause

Into activity, normalcy, the flow of comforting traffic so we can forget.

In those split seconds of thought I am aware of the peculiar sense

Of time standing still and the wait is forever and more.

I know it is the same for you, I feel it in marrow and blood,

You are perched on a line just beyond my reach, and I yours.

Then the light changes and the static scene melts into blur.

I drive and you drive and I know I must act in some normalcy

That I do not feel, but my wave is nonchalant, even perky. Then…

The huge surprise is that you actually look at me, and there is

A final hint of something finally acknowledged in the line

Of your mouth, the tilt of your head, you are fiddling unnecessarily

With something on the seat, you still know how to hide from me.

My understanding is instinctive, and all these thoughts are poured

Into split seconds where I know they cannot live or stay. With a

Queer sense of unreality, I see your face is aged, your hair is grey.

I wonder if I did this to you, but then I remember you did it to yourself.

A tangible sadness slides in the silver cord that still pulls our hearts,

Because after all, for years I took your body in mine and loved you.

Your face showed me regret, slight shame, wistfulness and even humility.

You are a different person now and yet the same, I am a different person now

And yet it is the same heart that loved you, I have the same hands that touched you.

It still seems like unreality that we have other lives to live now, not the one we had

Together. You used that word a lot, and yet we never seemed to have it.

I resurfaced, somewhere far down the street; I felt like I had done a Houdini feat.

The over-ness is more profound now, and yet a connection remains.

I wonder how many red lights I have to get through before I am truly free.

Your once upon a time lover,

cailin raine