Christmas Over The Years ~ The Struggle I Had

(Alias…My Ode To Single Moms) around 1987

I wish people would buy me hand lotion, toothpaste, and toilet paper

Dish detergent, Kleenex and soap, all the things that I have to go without

Because I bought them presents.

One time I made homemade sanitary napkins out of free cotton batten

I saved it out of the tops of medicine bottles and vitamin jars

I rolled it flat in paper towels and stapled the edges so that the

Sharp parts were away from my body.

I didn’t go out of my apartment for a week.

That was just after Christmas.

When I see a pretty girl prancing down the street at Christmas time

With her arms full of packages and tremendous smiles on her face

I wonder what it would feel like not to have to go

To Salvation Army for a dried up ham and pie-fill that has gone bad in the can.

Once I felt happy when I was sitting in church

And my Dad walked down the centre isle dressed

As one of the Three Wise Men

And I thought then that I would grow up to be happy

I thought people were normal and good and sensible

Like he was, but then I grew up…? and got married.

Then I was a single Mom trying to make Christmas good

For my kids, and I could only get the plain Snuffleuppe-Gus

Not the one that talked and I broke my daughter’s heart.

She never knew that mine had been broken for a long, long time.

My son just hurt quietly inside and never let me know

That he wanted to be somewhere else, but in retrospect

I could sure see why.

Christmas is not my favourite time of year.

My reality from an unhappy chapter, cailin raine